She was only 2 1/2 months when you went to heaven, but I swear she knows you. I remember when she was just a month old and I layed her on the bed beside you and the scene looked perfect... you and her sleeping side by side. I always pictured you as the father of my children... it was picture perfect. I tell myself that there's no way she could remember you, nor that moment, but yet she does things that makes me think otherwise.
Since she was about 8 months, she took a liking to a black and white picture that my mother has in a frame of us. She would kiss the picture over and over... at first it made me cry...
Then she began calling you "tio". I don't know how but it shocked us all.
Now at two years old, she tells me the sweetest things and always at the right time. She says, "tio loves mimi with all his heart". She sees your picture and still calls you tio and still kisses it. It amazes me.... I've come to accept them as messages from you because I have no other explanation for this. Nobody does. Especially when I'm feeling utterly alone, my sister or mom call and tell me that she tells them that you love me... and that you live in my house. Regardless of why she says these things, I know that you love me and I will always love you. Near or far, the love that we shared comes once in a lifetime... and in the next lifetime I want to run into your arms and never let you go.
I have been thinking about you a lot lately my brother. So I needed to write this as i do not know what else to do. I am in my office now with tears flowing down my eyes because I am overwhelmed with emotions. I cannot completely understand why I feel this way but i have been feeling this way a lot lately. I miss you dearly and I can not stand the fact that you are not with us here today. At times I feel angry at God at you at your friends at everybody that I feel might have been responsible for you not being here today. At other times I feel grateful that I spent 24 years of my life knowing you laughing with you living with you drinking with you and most importantly bonding with you. You have a very powerful soul a very powerful energy and a very powerful smile. When i think about you all i see is that damn smile and i cant get it out of my head. I have been seeing it a lot lately. Perhaps i need to go visit you soon and i will. I just hate accepting the fact that you are gone and going to see you at the cemetary is just a reminder of that fact. If you are trying to tell me something i promise that i will listen harder and do as you wish. I am trying to take care of your mom (titi carmen) as much as i can. I visit NY more often now and i will be there permanently soon...so i can keep a closer eye on her and grandma. Your brother is also doing a great job. He visits often he is more outgoing he is more social and is becoming a foundation for our family. Unfortunately it took losing you to crack his shell but i am grateful nonetheless. Your niece and nephew are adorable and i will remind them of the great fallen uncle they have. Your sis is good. Trying to change things in her life and i am sure you will guide her in her decisions. In short I MISS YOU....I MISS YOU DEARLY....I MISS YOU SO MUCH MY HEART ACHES (PHYSICALLY). I just had to write. I didnt want to call your brother or mother or sister cause i just wouldve started to cry. So I write. I will keep you alive Mike. With everything i do you will be with me body mind and spirit. I LOVE YOU LITTLE BROTHER and i just wish you were here.
I FEEL LIKE ITS TOO MUCH SOMETIMES / HANNEY (SISTER)Read >>
I FEEL LIKE ITS TOO MUCH SOMETIMES / HANNEY (SISTER)
I WISH I COULD SEE U EVEN IF I WAS FOR 5 MINUTES... LIFE IS SOO UNFAIR. I KNOW UR WATCHING DOWN ON US BUT SOMETIMES I CANT SETTLE FOR THE REALITY OF EVERYTHING THAT WENT DOWN...MISSS U MUCHO LUV U Close
To this day I can't get rid of your old mail!! I have bags and boxes full of mail.. maybe one day I'll buy a paper shredder, but for some reason I don't want to get rid of it just yet.. You were so anal about just trashing your stuff...
Yesterday I found so many things that brought back a flood of memories of when we lived in Englewood... I miss that apartment.. You really loved it there.. I'll never forget the memories we built in our time there..
I'M UNEASY WRITING TO YOU LIKE THIS, SEEING AS HOW WE RARELY SPOKE WHEN YOU WERE HERE, BUT AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW BY NOW... DEATH IS LIKE A STONE THROWN INTO A LAKE, IT RIPPLES, AND YOURS HAS TOUCHED MORE PEOPLE THAN YOU COULD'VE EVER IMAGINED. I'VE NEVER LOST A BROTHER, OR SON, OR MAN... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO DEE OR LEZ OR CARMEN TO TRY TO CONSOLE THEM... I FEEL LIKE ANYTHING I SAY MAY SOUND INSENCERE OR HYPOCRITICAL. I HAVENT SEEN LEZ IN MONTHS AND DEE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, BUT I THINK OF THEM OFTEN... I KNOW THEY HURT INSIDE, AND IT HURTS TO SEE THEM LIKE THAT AS I'M SURE YOU KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR THEM. HELP ME, PLEASE. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN EASE THEIR HEARTS. I KNOW YOU CAN REACH THEM, AND I KNOW THEIR HEARTS ARE OPEN TO YOU. LET THEM KNOW YOU'RE DOING WELL. I'LL KEEP TRYING. THANKS MIKE... YOU LIVE FOREVER IN THE HEARTS OF THE ONES WHO LOVE YOU.
A GIFT / Jonathan (cuzin)
DAMN ANOTHER BDAII DAT WE SPENT WITOUT YOU..BUT WE HAD A GIFT NAMED DARIAN MICHAEL RUIZ...UR NAME UR SOUL MIKE...I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY....I LOVE YOU..I CRY 4 YOU...I THINK BOUT YOU..BUT DA MOST I JUST STARE AT UR PICTURES AND STILL CANT BELIEVE YOU GONE..... Close
Time flies by, yet it feels like yesterday / Hanney (sister)Read >>
Time flies by, yet it feels like yesterday / Hanney (sister)
Hey Mike,
its crazy how i look at all the pics of you around my house. i know you're gone but i cannot understand why. i have maybe about 2 months i do not see Leslie. But when i speak to her, text her, anything that has to do with her i think of you.
and Denise... forget it... i cannot deal, she misses you SOOOOOO much. and i know where she's coming from but i cannot console her or leslie, cause i cannot console myself.
I see 40 now more than ever before. i also see Noel almost always. before this tragedy i didn't see either as much. Its sad to me that we always wait until its too late to show the ones we love that we care. I breaks my heart to see them without you. it's almost like they look lost at time. And hector is distraught,we all are distraut. But he really can't deal with it all and everytime i look at his face i can see that a part of him died with you that night. And that kills me.
i wish i could hug you at least for 30 seconds. Feel you warm as oppose to the last cold touch i remember. I love you lots, say hello to roberto for me... XOXO
missin you od / Jonathan Ruiz (lil cuzin )
itz ur lil cuzin u kno ritin dat im missin u...life aint gud wit out u..derez still tymez wen i walk through da streetz n think bout or look down da blok if u cummin 2 da blok n shyt...i dont lik diz feelin...i need u here...ur ma cuzin ma brotha ma everything...I LOVE YOU MIKE....hol a spot 4 me up dere.... Close
Today makes a year and 4 months since you left us. I wake up thinking about you and its so strange because I don't feel alone, but yet I feel so sad.
There are moments when I sit back and I say to myself "I can't believe it".... and it hurts.. and then i think back to those days in the hospital when I was so full of faith. I was worried and sad and angry seeing you in the hospital bed but never did I once think you wouldn't come out of it. I felt blindsided by the reality that what had happened to you was irreversible..
For days I clinged on to you, talking to you, stroking your face, your hair, kissing your lips, praying and just being THERE.. I thought that could be enough to wake you up. When your fingers use to twitch I know you felt me there and I was full of so much hope. I never gave up on you... ever. You were a fighter, you always came out on top in any situation but my love for you is so powerful that I can't accept that you're gone. Forgive me Mike. I talk to you like you're still here. I make my decisions based on what you would think. I talk about you constantly, I wear your boxers to sleep, I have your pictures posted on my fridge, in my office, in my wallet. I can't believe it Mike... we were supposed to build this wonder life together....
I miss you. It hurts to miss you and it hurts to know that life has to go on.... its the worse thing people can tell me... that it goes on...
Never Got A Chance To Say Farewell....... / Kurse One70 (Peoples)Read >>
Never Got A Chance To Say Farewell....... / Kurse One70 (Peoples)
My nigga, imagine, what can I say? You, out of all the younger niggaz on the block, I can honestly say that you had "IT". You know that thing a natural born hustler has. your swagger, your demeanor, just that vibe you projected, you had "IT". Some people may not know that sometimes I'd approach you just to tell you that I liked how you carried yourself and to always stay on point, even with those around you. I'd see you with 40 and say to myself "thats a team". He's a good dude and he's still crushed at your sudden departure. Hec too. You know, when I was locked away, we spoke a couple of times and I was sincerely blessed to have been as cool with you as we were. Remember that performance SELFMADE did in the Bronx? It was our first one as a team my nigga, and you had so much faith in our vision that you jumped on stage with the team and all I remember sayin to myself was "that nigga loves this life". You even went so far as to offer to invest in our dream.....
Mike, I will never forget any of that. Shit, sometimes I think that had you still been here, you could have help me get on these dudes, you know keep them on point, you were good for that. It hurts me that I never got to spend any of your last days with you. It kills me even more that never really got a chance to say farewell.
I stay kickin it with Denise, she's my sister and I show her mad love every chance I get. Jayden and Jada call me Tio LaLa and I honor that privilege. Noel too...I feel closer to him than ever before. I'll always be there for them no matter what.
Playa, thanks for the few moments I got to share with you and I hope that those who claim to have been your closest friends learn to do life the way you did....from the heart. As for now, I'll continue to remember you for who you was.... A REAL NIGGA!!!!! ONE LOVE, your peoples KURSE, SelFMadE FaM...!!!!!!!! Close
On Any Given Day.... / Bernie Wu (Peoples)
On any given day, you could see him smile.
On any given day, he would sit and talk with you for a while.
On any given day, you could catch him winking his eye at a pretty girl passing by
And on any given day,
He’ll wipe your tears and make you laugh, or at least he’ll try.
On any given day, he would walk in from the streets with the sun still shining on his face.
He’ll crack a joke or flash a smile and bless us all with his charm and grace.
On any given day, he would throw his arm around your shoulder and ask you “how was your day?” or “how do you feel”?
Such an optimistic young man that never saw anything as that big of a deal.
Now on one given day God took him away and left us all asking questions like, “why,
Why this had to happen to him and how could such a thing happen to such a nice guy?”
Why him? Why not me? There was a “why” that followed every tear that was shed,
I even heard the puzzling words of “why couldn’t He take me instead?”
And to be honest with you, I know it’s all at Gods will and I don’t need to know why,
But I tell you this much my Lord; you got a good man by your side.
Take him under your wing and show him the ropes because I know he could hold it down.
And I know he’s going to look after all of us because he is a true angel now.
Well, why this all happened I guess only God really knows
And as for the love we have for you as we speak it grows.
So we’ll never forget you because in our hearts you have a permanent place,
And On any given day, whenever we look up at the sky,
We can still see the sun shining on your face. Close
R.I.P. M. EZ / Kurse One70 (Peoples)
Will the tears ever stop or will they continue to flow on,
and if so, will those up in heaven be upset that we have yet to move on.
Will the pain of losing you ever go away,
or will that same pain give us strength to live on another day.
Not having you here, at times, feels like we’re confused and lost,
and to have you back, We'll do anything, no matter the cost.
Why you, why now, will we ever understand,
you were a son, a brother, "FUCK", you were our man.
They say “your in a better place”, so that supposed to make things right,
so I guess that’s why his family still can't sleep at night.
All I know is that GOD got one of the realest angels holding him down,
CAUSE WE LOST ONE OF THE REALEST NIGGAZ DOWN HERE ON THE GROUND!
LOVE YOU MIKE aka M. EZ
Your peoples, KURSE & SelFMadE FamilY.....one Close
We do not need a special day to bring you to our minds. The days we do not think of you are very hard to find. Each morning when we wake we know that you are gone. And no one knows the heartache as we try to carry on. Our hearts still ache with sadness, and secret tears still flow. What it meant to lose you no one will ever know. Our thoughts are always with you, your place no one can fill. In life we loved you dearly; in death we love you still. There will always be heartache and often a silent tear, but always, precious memories of the days when you were here. If tears would make a staircase and heartaches make a lane, we'd walk the path to heaven and bring you home again. We hold you close within our hearts; and there you will remain, to walk with us throughout our lives until we meet again.
R.I.P M. EZ / Kurse (Friend)
Will the tears ever stop or will they continue to flow on, and if so, will those up in heaven be upset that we have yet to move on.
Will the pain of losing you ever go away, or will that same pain give us strength to live on another day.
Not having you here, at times, feels like we’re confused and lost, and to have you back, We'll do anything, no matter the cost.
Why you, why now, will we ever understand, you were a son, a brother, "FUCK", you were our man.
They say “your in a better place”, so that supposed to make things right, so I guess that’s why his family still can't sleep at night.
All I know is that GOD got one of the realest angels holding him down, CAUSE WE LOST ONE OF THE REALEST NIGGAZ DOWN HERE ON THE GROUND !!!!
Dedicated to the family and friends of Michael Moquette, REST IN PEACE!
LOVE YOU MIKE aka M.EZ
Your peoples , KURSE & SelFMadE FamilY.....one Close
I MISS U MIKE :( / Jonathan Ruiz (lil cousin )Read >>
I MISS U MIKE :( / Jonathan Ruiz (lil cousin )
yo u kno we use 2 c each other almost everyday mike...i miss u mike cant b gud with out u...i be thinking damnn y it had 2 happen 2 ma cuzin...i luv mike u alwayz lookd out 4 me...now imma do wat u did 2 me look out 4 jayden n jada cuz i luv dem more den enything....te amo mike missing u and alwayz thinking bout u :( Close
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same Cause I'm still here so far away from home
I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now
In Christ, there are no goodbyes And in Christ, there is no end So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again To see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I haven't got the strength today to tell you all that I would like to. My eyes are overflowing with tears....all for you. The pain in my throat won't let me cry out loud... so I'm here. The tears fall silently. I stare at your pictures, blast the radio to your favorite music (2Pac, Jay-Z, Biggie...) and think. I think back to last year and how everything was perfect before that Good Friday.
I'm thinking about today, the last Sunday I saw you alive. I woke up super early, cleaned the house, did the laundry, all while you slept. Then I made my very first baked ziti. It sounds funny i know. When you finally got up and went to the kitchen you asked me, "who made this"? lol Yeah we both laughed.... you asked me who came over to make it!! I couldn't believe you were being serious babe. When I told you I did, you still didn't believe me, but I could understand why. I was far from being domestic, but I was trying. You finally gave in and i remember that we ate baked ziti for 3 days straight. You were loving it and nothing made me happier than to share little things like that with you.
I miss everything about you Mike. If only I could get to hold you again... I wouldn't let you leave my side. You were one of kind babe, no one will ever come close to being like you. No one.
Time goes by.. it flies by. Which means I'm closer to joining you up there. I hope you remember me, our love, our good times and shit, even the bad times. Without those bad times I wouldn't have some memories and I wouldn't be who I am without having learned from you...my teacher, my protector, my love, my friend, my guardian angel.
Love is like a lump of gold, Hard to get, and hard to hold. Of all the guys I've ever met, You're the one I can't forget. I do believe that God above, Created you for me to love. He chose you from all the rest, Because he knew I would love you best.
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